Wazeen's Tavern

[I know some people may think that I’m not supposed to post it but I am what I am and that is that, feel free to read and feel free to ignore, life’s a party, life’s a celebration, because life’s short]

Let me be honest, I feel discontentment every time I go to a place where I grew up, it is not because I hate the people that raised me up, I love them indeed, but I need respect and appreciation to my own belief system that I build by my own knowledge, and I didn’t get it there, and I’m tired arguing with people it consumes my energy, so it’s better for me just simply go, it’s good for me and good for them, and I’m tired stopping them intervening my personal matter, there, some people love to intervene and love to make standards for other people regarding to whom he or she should get married, I’m tired arguing in this matter, so it’s better for me to go, it’s good for them and me, and the worst thing, a silly, foolish, stupid and emotional question about my family tree still exists, even this time, they still consider it as my crime denying my family tree, as usual I really don’t have answer to them because my throat is so narrow to dispense answers, I don’t like dropping my tear in front of people, it’s totally lame.  

And I feel excitement every time I go back to Jakarta, not because of it is a ‘posh’ city, not because of it’s the most advanced city in Indonesia, not because of it’s a gold digging city, no, it’s not, it’s the city where I have friends, real friends, it’s the place where I feel I can speak up things I have in my mind and my belief, there’s no such a silly, stupid and emotional question about my family tree, it’s the city where I’m respected as I am, not because of what my relatives did. And in this city I can have a dream, and my dream keeps growing and my dream lead my actions, and I know life’s short, and I want to live it in its fullest, traveling the globe as much as possible. Going to overseas? Yes I will be in ecstasy. And you’ll know it why.

God has a plan, and I’m in it.

Sex.

Yes it’s about sex, don’t get me wrong.

Once upon a time, I have a friend, he talks a lot about sex, he loves to discuss, make jokes, tease, flirt or whatever it calls, about sex, and what makes surprised, sometime he can raise a sexual issues even in the public areas, some people irritated, some people enjoy, and some people enjoy and irritated. I can guess most of his point of views about man and woman, is not more than sexual point view.

I used to - however now I still - think that talking about sex blatantly in a public space should be a taboo, and even porn!

His only weapon to reply such thoughts is: if sex is a taboo, if sex is considered as a porn, then all human in the world are born within a taboo process and porn process, even all saints!

However I reply to him: now I consider sex is a sacred.

Engg, actually I’m about writing my thoughts, but now the thoughts have flown away, I don’t know where.

Oh no, yes I got it again, yes today I’m gonna write about my resume, yes my resume or CV you call it, I’m a bit hesitant to write it actually, however when it comes to work and earn money I have to set a time just to write it.

Yes the most tricky part of it is my education part, in fact after series of dramatic and emotional saga of my struggle to graduate finally the result said that I was dropped out from the university that I’d been learning for about more than 8 years, I studied formally English Literature from that university, however I don’t think and feel like I was grasping English Literature in the formal classes that was offered there, but I did learn many things including improving English within the informal communities that live around the university -uh I should stop here, it can be more than a book if I write it here-, yes however always however, though I was dropped out from that university, I can still manage to get my formal degree (meaning formal educational certificate) from an Islamic Teaching College, so my formal degree right now is Islamic Educator Degree (probably yes), but I’m quite hesitant to put that degree in my resume.

In some parts, I expose and highlight my experiences (meaning achievements, working experiences, conferences and workshops) more than my educational side. I hope it will work. May be. I hope so. Whatever. And let me learn.

I was stepping on cat’s muck, incidentally pissing inside my pants (it’s my second time after what I did at Giant poins square Lebak Bulus) and falling down from stair steps (from my private upper room.

What do these mean?

Okay, let me decipher and interprete them, the first one should stand for my failure to make a relationship or to turn a friendship into boyfriendship and girlfriendship, second, I think it stands for my university tragedy, yes I was kicked out from the State Islamic University Jakarta, many things contribute to this matter and third, it was the insect called aedes aegypti bite me, and I was hospitalised for 4 days, however I’m still grateful to know that I HAVE FRIENDS around, and I know they LOVE me in their own ways of loving.

And what’s next?

It’s time to strike and climb to the top again!!!

G: maukah kau datang ke bahteraku?

M: tidak, aku tak ingin bahteramu karam, muatannya hanya cukup untuk dua orang saja, biarlah aku di bahtera lain menatap kelip kunang di muara tanah seberang.

G: (kau tak mau bermain denganku)

suatu hari di tepi pantai sanur bersama dewi dari kayangan makan jagung bakar, maunya makan mak beng, tapi mak bengnya udah tutup, ah dewi. sekarang kau sudah, ah biarlah, ini cuma updetan gak bermutu.

Iris GGD

Dan aku pun menyerah untuk menggenggam tanganmu,
sebab aku tahu kau telah merasakan energiku…
kau bagaikan makhluk yang datang dari nirwana yang pernah aku jumpai,
dan aku tak ingin pulang saat ini…

Aku hanya berhak mencandamu saat ini…
Dan udara yang dapat kuhirup hanyalah udara yang kau hembuskan…
Aku tahu cepat atau lambat semua ini akan segera berakhir
Aku hanya tak ingin kehilangan kau malam ini

Aku tak ingin seluruh dunia menatapku
Mereka sama sekali tak mengerti gejolak yang kurasa
Aku tahu semuanya tak ada yang abadi
Aku hanya ingin kau tahu siapa diriku seutuhnya

Kau tak akan pernah bisa mengusap air mata yang tak pernah menetes,
dan menutupi kebenaran di celah kebohonganmu
semuanya nampak seperti di layar kaca,
dan kau biarkan dirimu menumpahkan darah sekedar untuk mengerti keberadaanmu di dunia ini.

(de javu pas waktu di kereta menuju Kuang-KL Sentral), for sight and love it has its own space to echo.

It’s social media that said, who is you, it’s not that hard now to find you and who you’re, so easy, I just typed your name, and doing a little bit diving in my head’s memory, and connecting some memories, sorting and then matching, and then it’s done.

But I do understand why you asked me: how do you know that me?

*for a girl with a red car that I met on tuesday.

My heart is for sale, and if  you break it then you have to buy it, but I will never give you a discount!, and if you take it for free and then it means unbreakable.

A Gentleman will walk and never run.(Sting;Englishman in New York)

And manners maketh man (Sting;Englishman in New York)